Whoremotions

… The Act of Being Whoremotional

Taxi Cab Confessions September 3, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Miss Communication @ 7:37 am
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I have had this theory for quite sometime. I think i got it from an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie decides to “try on” a guy who is out of her usual realm of dating. The gist of the episode is Carrie tries on guy, decided guy doesn’t fit and wants to return guy. Much like most impulse purchases I have made …you know that flashy little thing right next to the checkout that you don’t need but you buy anyway and serves absolutely no purpose. Then when you get home you wonder why in the hell you spent an extra ten bucks for something that can do nothing for you but you hold on to it for years because your sure one day you will be able to use it. I digress … back to my theory.

Men are like taxi cabs. Let me correct this since I was just told on the phone how “wrong” I am, obviously I was speaking to a man. 95% of men are like Taxi Cabs. Women will spend their whole lives looking for their perfect mate. Doesn’t mean he has to look like Brad Pitt, make tons of money, drive a flashy car or wants a white picket fence, 2.5 perfect children and a golden retriever. But the guy they think is the perfect fit for them. In my case my elusive perfect goes something along the lines of: The person who annoys me the least. Ok it’s not that simple, but kinda.

I am looking for the person that will be my rock when I need them and I can do the same for them without either person saying they need it or holding it against them. Someone who can mellow out my naturally high strung nature (after all I am a chick so by nature I am crazy). Someone who can make me laugh, who knows the little everyday things mean way more then huge gestures, but also knows those are pretty cool once in awhile too. Someone who knows I am secure and not usually jealous but has figured out reassuring me keeps me from getting that way. Someone who sees the areas I suck in (example: keeping receipts for taxes, getting my car worked on, saving, etc) and tries to help me improve in those areas. I also need a man’s man. This will be a WHOLE separate entry but lets just say My Starter could make me a quilt but couldn’t get the oil changed on my car to save his life. It made me want to gouge out his eyeballs sometimes. What my starter marriage taught me is there is a reason that in all relationships there is a “man” and a “woman” role to play … I learned I don’t like being the man. Someone who likes to travel, someone who can get me to push my boundries and try new things outside of my comfort level, someone who gets my job. Someone who kisses me on the forehead and gives good tushy massages. Someone who will argue and disagree with me …weird request I know…but I have found if I date someone who is a pushover I will usually just bulldoze them, not intentionally…it just happens. Usually telling me “No” is kind of a turn on. Can’t be a liar, cheat or drug addict. Must have a job. I am extremely attracted to people with talents. Ambition and goals make me horny. Someone who gets my sick sense of humor and happens to find the humor in my annoying little foo foo dogs. Ohhhh … and likes long walks on the beach after anal. Obviously this is if I was going to order a guy from a catalog and could customize all my specs…since people aren’t perfect this is my check off list. Some are requested but not required others are deal breakers. I have even dated people who had all these things but for some reason we just didn’t gel, so basically it’s all a crap shoot.

My point of this babbling was pointing out women look for a certain guy, while it is proven scientifically according to Cosmo, my dating past and friends dating past … that men wait until a time they feel ”ready”. Usually this includes financial security, job security, emotionally sound, fear the 19 yo’s will stop flirting with them someday soon,  some sort of life plan preferably one that includes a 401k. Usually when this happens for a guy pretty much the next half way decent chick they date for awhile will end up their wife. Unless they are dating me so it seems. Both of my Ex’s had their “on duty” light go on with me. My EmoEx just seemed to really want to settle down, get married, have kids, etc. His seemed to be based on some magic age number for him. He would always reiterate that he needed to do these things quickly because he was 34 and didn’t have as much time as me. For gods sake he was 5 years older then me… that’s it! With him I defiantly felt as if I could have been anyone and it wouldn’t have mattered he was going to marry someone and soon! Not exactly something that makes you want to make a lifetime commitment to someone. I don’t usualy find “Hey,I’ll take you!” to be an excellent proposal. My BFFEx’s light came on about a month or two after we broke up. After three-ish years with me, he dated someone for a month or so and she ended up driving him crazy and his cab light went on. Since I am the person who annoys him the least and he hasn’t seriously dated anyone else, his cab light is currently on. I think this is mostly out of laziness. I think he just doesn’t want to take the required time and effort we all know getting into a serious relationship takes. Don’t get me wrong, he likes having me in his life… he is actually the only major Ex i have who is one of my friends (and not the PC “ohh were totally still friends after the break up BS!”) … but mostly he is a busy guy and is impatient. I think the next chick he dates for awhile who is decently chill, he will marry for sure.

Maybe that’s my job in life …going around and turning on other dudes taxi lights. I am like a polish fluffer for future wives of America.

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One Response to “Taxi Cab Confessions”

  1. Ditto. I swear I was a teacher to all of my ex boyfriends, I had to go through all the nonsense of changing them and teaching them HOW TO BE A MAN only for the next girl to luck out and marry a guy with 1/2 a clue in life.
    What else can you do? It’s not like you would ever date them again!


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