It’s a lazy Sunday, I am eating Chinese food out of a to go box for breakfast and it is 3pm. Needless to say I went out last night. Luckily, though The Non made me the first good cup of coffee I’ve had in days since Captain Pants boned out to Mexico without me. You see she makes the coffee because I am strangely world’s worst coffee maker. I don’t just fail at coffee, I FAIL at coffee.
Captain Pants has been begging me to write this blog. So here it is in her honor, since she isn’t here and i miss her ass. She gets the Tequila, while i eat the leftovers!
The Representative is a term my EMOEx said once after my description of what it is. I have always talked about “The representative” but he gave it that name so I am giving him credit for it. Which is ironic considering he had one.
“The Representative” – The person you’re dating before you meet the REAL person you’re dating.
It’s understandable that when people first meet and are attracted to each other there is a natural inclination to put your best foot forward. We are all kind of like peacocks and want to show off our pretty feathers to entice the person we have our eye on. However, I am finding it to become more and more common place that in the first few months you are actually dating someone’s representative. You know the person who always looks fairly pulled together, seems to share many common interests with you, plans fun activities, takes you on dates, really listens to what you have to say and appears on most levels to have their shit together and is not totally crazy. They are often ambitious, considerate and your friends all “really like him”!
I have discovered about 2-4 months into dating someone, their representative goes on permanent vacation. Their Representative was doing an amazing job with making them look clean, lying about interests, fake listening, taking the time for activities and planning dates, frequent sex with oral and boy oh! boy did that representative cover up that bad credit score having cheapskate, lazy non-ambition having inconsiderate attitude! Why is it that people decide to let all of the things that actually drew you to them go right out the window once they have you! You go from dating this really cool guy who takes you to interesting ethnic restaurants to have long talks about random thoughts and then mind blowing sex where you’re the focus, to dating a guy who wants to stay home every night and play Xbox while you blow him and don’t get the favor returned. There is a time and place for Xbox BJ nights but they still have to be part of a regular dating routine.
People stop dating each other when they become comfortable. Fuck that! I require more effort than that! That may sound high maintenance but it really shouldn’t be considered that at all. Just plain old maintenance… but everything good in life requires maintenance. It’s called showing appreciation for the fact someone is choosing to spend their precious time with you.
You see, I was a major victim of “The Representative”. I actually married some ones Representative! Give me some credit though, that was the best rep I or anyone I know had ever met! Even my friends and family were fooled. The man I married never did drugs, occasionally had a few beers, was so proud of his parents long successful marriage, aspired to be a schoolteacher and really liked to walk our dogs. The man I divorced did drugs, was an alcoholic, cheater who could not keep a job over 2 weeks, didn’t like children let alone wanted to teach them, lazy loser who liked to smoke pot every night while walking the dogs. It’s weird the day you get married it’s like nothing and everything changes all at once. For me everything changed … about my husband. It was actually quite shocking. I fealt duped.
This goes for the readers who have penis’s as well. If a girl likes everything you like, never disagrees with you, likes all your friends including every single female friend you have, blows you daily needing nothing in return, didn’t really want to go shopping with her friends, really wants to watch Die Harder for the 6th time instead of going to dinner … your dating her representative.
Not everyone I have ever dated had a representative that extended any further then trying to impress someone. But some of them could legally pass for having multiple personalities and actually may require medication. So this is a warning to those of you reading … make sure your not dating a Representative before you make any life altering decisions. I would say 6 months is a pretty fair time frame since people like my Starter, who was able to pull it off until after marriage are usually very rare. If your currently dating someone and your Representative is hard at work … stop being an asshole and be the real you. Personalities are like boobs, real is always better!