For some reason I have recently received some of the worst pick up lines ever! They just seem to be coming in droves lately, but bar none … one of the ones I got in my recent travels was definitely in my top 5 (Maybe Top 3) of all time I am sure. Drum Roll … here it is:
“Every girl in this bar right now wants to at least blow me, except you. That makes me want YOU!”
Are you fucking kidding me with that? Has that or even a variation of that ever worked? What am I suppose to say to that. Oh my I had no idea, you poor thing! Women are throwing themselves at you and since I’m not it has hurt your precious ego. To think people are fighting world hunger, looking for a cure for cancer & wasting precious time on protecting our planet while you suffer the injustice on not getting blown by me! I admit, that’s a fucking tragedy! Let me drop to my knees and fix this problem … here and now! :: gulp,gulp,gulp ::
If a line like that has ever worked … those women need to be shot. Like seriously I will round those bitches up and take them out myself. Don’t ever encourage assholes like that. They tell their friends about it and then suddenly it will be the norm and I will have to slit my wrists. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for confidence … but I don’t condone general douche-baggery!
I got another good one out of the country from a friend. He apologized the next day and told me I made an excellent call by not hooking up with him, so I don’t mean to call him out … but it was funny. “Do you know how many times I’ve masturbated to you?” Really, what do you say to that? It’s a surprising statement as well as creepy & in a twisted way I suspect flattering, or at least meant to be. I opted for the “Your really drunk and I adore you as a friend!” He exclaimed “That’s why I never get laid!” I told him to go to bed. Awkward silence. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it….” And with that he got a shove and a firm “GO TO BED!” What would be an appropriate come back to that? What was I wearing? Was I good? Did you actually get me off, or did you leave me to fend for myself? You probably left me to fend for myself!
Has a pickup line of any kind every worked? I am sure it hasn’t on me! Are there actually women out there this stuff works on? If so, that makes me very sad! Please people … don’t be that dumb or desperate! Just because someone wants to fuck you, in the words of Chris Rock … doesn’t make it a good fucking idea.
I think many men lack a good approach. I think their lives could change if they got a good one. They could end up with several wives. I have had 2 other guys in the recent past go for it with actually really good approaches. Normal, Sweet, Non-Threatening. Both aren’t pushing themselves on me at all. One has offered cooking dinner and a night of TV of our favorite common show … that’s a real way to get a chick. If I wasn’t so preoccupied I would probably give both of these guys a fair chance. The point is they did it correctly and in normal circumstances that would have probably gotten them to their goal eventually … vagina!