Whoremotions

… The Act of Being Whoremotional

Things I have learned from the Land O’ Porn November 13, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Miss Communication @ 10:36 pm
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I have spent the last 10 years of my life working in Adult Entertainment, in the business sense of course. I have done everything from casting, production managing, selling product, marketing, “clean up on aisle 7”, event coordination and more. I know shocking porn is a REAL business. In this timeframe, I have learned a lot about people. When you work in such an open minded business people tend to speak their mind to you because they are sure you have heard and seen it all. This often leads to people/friends/strangers/co-workers/ committing many acts of TMI (Too much information). If you’re my friend, it’s still shocking to hear your detailed bedroom exploits that involved a dildo in your boyfriends ass since I have to sit across from him at dinner the following week. And no I don’t know all the symptoms of every STD, I am not your doctor. Here are a few of the things I have learned in my last 10-ish years.

1. It does not mean a guy likes you or finds you attractive if he will fuck you – 98% of guys will fuck anything if given the chance. They can even do it with a rock hard penis. When Male talent gets to a porn set they are expected to get it up and get it in rather they find the girl attractive or not. In some cases the guy may even fucking hate the girl and he can still fuck her. Granted Viagra runs rampant in the business but there are lots of guys who don’t need it and can still do their job … no matter if the girls is a smoking hot 19 year old or a 67 year old denture wearing grandma. I am often fascinated by this and their complete ability to have zero attachment.
2. I find women 25 years old and under annoying – This is a blanket statement but I would say a fair one. In rare cases it is certainly not true. Women 25> are catty, drama filled, annoying and never shut the fuck up. If they are 20> I can barely stand to be in the same room. Sadly, I am sure I was this annoying as well. Which means no one should take any relationship between 15-25 too seriously. It’s the learning phase.
3. It’s not that they like skinny girls, it’s that they love their penis –When I actually talk to guys about their likes in women, most actually prefer curvaceous or a lady with a little more meat on their bones. Then why, oh why, Miss Communication are they always after the size zero crack whore looking girl at the club? It’s that men love their penis more then they love women and a skinny minnie girl makes their dick look bigger. No need to fret just yet, they just like to fuck girls like that. Now if you are naturally skinny because that’s your body type and you are healthy they are into that. Basically guys like girls who are at their healthy weight. I think it’s something genetic because healthy women make healthy babies or some BS like that. If you are on the cocaine/starve yourself diet … most guys won’t turn you into someone they will be with for real. It’s just not cute!
4. Just because it’s a fantasy, Doesn’t mean you should do it – Most men and some women have the threesome fantasy, for obvious reasons. Almost all of guys in the adult business get to fulfill this fantasy. I started a poll and asked a lot of the men in the biz how they felt about threesomes … every single one of them came back with the same answer. “It wasn’t that great! It was too much work and you have to think too much!” This was them answering about their personal life if they were a performer. It’s great to talk dirty about a fantasy in the bedroom, but actually going through with it seems to usually ruin it. Everyones mind is better then what usually happens in real life, well because it’s fantasy. Same reason we don’t show douching, water breaks, sliping and falling or condoms in porn …it’s supposed to be fantasy! So if you catch your significant other checking out some fetish-y porn, know that 9 times out of 10 they don’t actually want that fantasy fulfilled.
5. If he has a Huge penis and can fuck on camera there is something wrong with him – Lots of civilian guy friends I have are jealous of male pornstars. Well they are jealous of the life they imagine they live and probably have penis envy. What they don’t know ..is it’s not all glamour and banging hot chicks. Ever heard of anal leakage? Yeaaaah! I have also discovered an unnerving link between male talent and their ability to perform. 99% of the time if they have a big pen and are capable of keeping it up in front of strangers, something else is lacking. It’s god’s way of evening the playing field. Many times they are unattractive men. If they can perform AND are cute … man are they dumb as rocks, like sooo dumb it makes my head hurt. There are handfuls who can perform, are cute and aren’t dumb …but usually their ego and social skills are so far outside this galaxy it makes you vomit in your mouth a little. The point of this analogy was it applies to a lot of things. If he drives a lambo and makes a ton, he probably has a small pen. If he makes no money and lives at home with his mom, he is probably a loser. We woman tend to rationalize everything … so i am trying to help us all keep it real. Basically if it’s too good to be true, it usually isn’t anywhere near the truth!

That’s it for now …maybe I will start a monthly column, what I learned from porn this week. Something I can read to the grandkids later ya know?

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4 Responses to “Things I have learned from the Land O’ Porn”

  1. jennytruant Says:

    I think I love you more and more every day…

  2. Ok I swear I never really rationalized some of these things!
    I totally agree on so many of your points! The women under 25 – there is ONE I can deal with, the rest are totally drama and a waste of time and annoying.

    WTF about the boys banging skinny size 0 chicks, GRRRR!
    Ditto on the fantasy – it’s never the way you thought it would be when you imagined it!

  3. theorheticalthoughtsunraveled Says:

    Wait a minute… You mean there’s not hot nurses that just drop their clothes on the spot, and just happen to have a camera there to capture it? Ha I jest of course.

    I can only imagine what you’ve heard and seen. I feel scarred from some of the stuff the Internet has exposed me too.

  4. Catherinette Says:

    Oh my god, I want your job. I would so rather do what you do than work in Corporate America.


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