Yes I am!!! And I may be waiting a very long time! lol. Like Miss Communication said we hopped on the Twilight train and let me tell you, I am riding this thing until I see Edward waiting on the platform. haha. Is it possible to be in love with a fictional character?! I was totally in love with the character after the first book, then I saw the movie (which didnt compare, they never do) and Robert Pattinson was absolutely yummy!!! Where do I find him? When I do, can I keep him? I will totally lick him and claim him so it’s fair, I swear! Ok,wait…focus. Anyways, if you have read the books or seen the movie you will kind of get what I am trying to go for here. The character of Edward says everything perfect. He totally brings back that first love feeling. When you know all the words to say and you just say them with out thinking or caring if there are consequences. The two main characters (Edward and Bella) just put themselves out there. They definitely put you back in that vulnerable state of your first love and it brings back the feelings and the emotions that you go through. I have to say, with my love of what we call “science fiction” movies aka love stories, it is funny that it’s a vampire/mortal love story that final makes me think about things!!! haha
So, lately I have been thinking alot about relationships and how they have been going for me and also what it is that I want to feel when I’m with someone. And no I dont mean like feel their hands going up my shirt. I have said it before and I’m going to state it again. I want that first love feeling again!!! Yeah it TOTALLY sucked when it ended, but when you think back, it was totally worth it! I want that cant stop thinking about, head spinning, time flying, want to talk to, need to be near, heart pounding when they are close, first kiss gitters, butterflies so bad that you think you may puke or pass out or BOTH, cant wait to tell everything to, cant stop talking about, late night phone conversations about nothing, I miss you already’s, late night cuddling, cant wait to call your closest friend to tell them what just happened and simply just love being around them kinda feelings again!!! And I totally believe that you can only achieve this by putting yourself out there, completely.
They say that you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who’s willing to climb over them. Which is nice, but I just got off the phone with the wrecking ball company and those walls are comin’ down!!! I’m not saying that I’m going to be stupid about it and give my heart to anyone and everyone, but I am going to put myself out there. And when I get that amazing feeling with someone, I am going to give it all I got. What’s the worst that can happen?… I get my heart broken. Hey, I have been there before and guess what? I’m still here. What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger and someone very wise themselves, once told me that we may be underestimating how strong our hearts really are and what they are capable of taking. So, I am going to put myself out there and if it doesn’t work the next time or the next or the next…the tears will dry and the hurt will fade. But I do know, that one day… it will work out and I wont settle for anything less…then my own sparkling vampire!
So, here is to Miss Communication’s divorce to her fears and for my Vegas kinda deconstrustion team waiting to blast down my walls. I cant think of a better ending then Miss Communications… Wish me heartbreak and mistakes! =)