I am not usually one for resolutions mostly because who actually sticks to them? So I refuse to say these are New Years resolutions…. They are simply choices. I have been thinking about the last year of my life naturally as the new year starts. Ohhh 08 was a doozy for me! After watching the decline of my beloved company after a buyout I left my job after almost 5 years, I ended a relationship and with that gained a friend, I ruined what could have been one of my better relationships by not communicating my true feelings, experienced the death of 2 family members and the news that my father has Alzheimer’s and will soon enough forget me. I also “let go” of a best girlfriend of 6 years … well because it was time. I went through a lot of pain this year and made a lot of mistakes. Well that was depressing! On a positive note … i survived my 30th Birthday, without crying! I came into my “own” a bit. I learned how to balance work life/personal life a bit more. I made some observations on the human race.
A few things I learned about myself this year:
I suck at communication: Hence my Blogging name, Miss Communication. Note the pun. This applies to a lot of things … but there is of course one instance that really hammered the nails in the coffin for me, that of course would be the whole Boy situation. I failed miserably in that whole situation and at almost every turn. I just never said what i really thought. Which is so rare for me considering i never shut the fuck up.
The gym does make me feel better: I got serious about my weight this last year. I got sick of hearing myself complain I was overweight and not actually do anything about it. I lost 20 pounds and I am sure increased my health overall. It took me a long time because I wasn’t super nazi about it like I had been in the past. If I “messed up” I didn’t just give in … I just forgave myself and moved forward. I still loath getting up so early to make it to the gym but when I do go on a regular basis I notice a major difference in how I feel and my energy levels.
When I am hurt or angry, I make bad decisions: I am sure most people do .. but I seem to excel at this art form. It’s the equivalent of a 2yo’s temper tantrum but in the super sized grown up version. How is it that i am 30 and still manage to act out? Ugh!
Stand up for what you believe in even if you’re standing alone: seems I do that. Which makes me proud, although I am sure I could have handled the situation better.
Choices for 09
Be a better daughter: With the issues with my dad’s health and the loss of 2 family members I realized I needed to be better at being a daughter. Don’t get me wrong I talk to my parents a lot .. but I could be doing more. I need to see them way more and I need to offer more support where I can. My mom needs a spa trip just the two of us, my dad needs to see me on a more regular basis.
Be a better friend: We all get caught up in life and forget to call, reschedule plans, etc. I need to make more of a conscious effort to make time for everyone. I also need to speak my mind … and not in a bitchy way. What I mean is tell my friends my true thoughts. Its happened a lot in the last year … friend says they are making certain decision and what are my thoughts, I lie and agree with their decision, friend ends up with bad results from said decision and then I say what I really thought in the first place. I will tell them what I really think from now on … nicely and once. It’s their choice after that but I will know I told them the truth of my opinion. This is an iffy thing for the reason people always seem to shoot the messagner. Hence why it will only be something done with close friends.
Learning the art of rejection: I have a tendency to not know how to reject guy friends who I think are really cool people. Then I end up kinda becoming a tease. It’s not cool and politely rejecting them is way better than me inadvertently leading them on when I don’t mean to.
Take more me time: I already started doing this towards the end of 08 .. but I want to make sure I continue doing it. More sunday fundays, more expanding my tastes, more trying stuff …even if i don’t want to, etc. I also want to travel more.
Less Binge drinking: A glass or two of wine is fine … but I cant name a single night that going overboard and having 5-6 vodka red bulls has done me an ounce of good. I would like less days in 09 of feeling like ass from a hang over or saying things like “I did what last night? No I didn’t! I did? Fuck my life!”
Understanding No One is perfect: Yeah, we all consciously know that … but when we care about people we hold them to a higher standards. It’s like setting them up for failure and to disappoint you. Everyone makes mistakes and they are aloud to. I used to hold grudges and say stuff like once a liar always a liar, Blah blah blah. Life is about making mistakes and taking chances. Sometimes people do that and it hurts you, but sometimes if you put yourself in their shoes … truly look at it from their eyes, you may have made the same mistakes Their choices were 50% luck, just like yours. I will no longer have a 1 strike your out policy.
OH AND I GOT BANGS FOR 09! I was scared … i invisioned my 5 year old self with a bowl cut .. it actually looks good, so first major decision in 09 … Bangs or No bangs was a success!
I am sure I will think of a few more .. and add them in the next few days. Then I will look this up next year and see what has come of it. Hopefully I will gain wisdom each year.