… The Act of Being Whoremotional

Adventures in Internet Dating: You Sure Look Good in Text January 9, 2009

Filed under: Adventures In Internet Dating — Captain Pants @ 6:47 pm
Tags: , ,

I started talking to another guy on a site and we totally hit it off. I mean we once talked on IM for 5 hours!!!! I haven’t talked to anyone that long since jr.high. We just totally hit it off. He made me laugh, I like to laugh. He was sarcastic, I’m sarcastic. He had good taste in music, I have fabulous taste in music (in my mind). He started using corny lines, I love corny lines. He liked to text, I love to text. After about a few weeks of getting to know you’s, I thought for sure I was ready to meet this guy. We happened to connect during the holidays so meeting was a bit difficult. He had made the suggestion that we could go out on New Years Eve. I did hesitate for a while on that. I haven’t had a really good New Years in a while and I’m very picky on who I spend them with. I mean come on, it’s how you start the year off.  After a little bit of convincing, I decided why the hell not. So he made this whole agenda for the night that included everything we had been discussing for the past few weeks. I told Miss Communication the plan and due to my excitement, she sounded excited for me =) I was pretty stoked and excited to see how things were going to play out.  Though a part of me was upset that I wasn’t celebrating with Miss Communication and/or at some dive bar getting wasted! Haha.

 So the days leading up to the date I was out everyday finding something awesome to wear. And on a side note I got the most awesome pair of boots that ever existed!! Anyways, New Years Eve rolls around and I have my agenda from, let’s call him Text. I notice that my arrival time at his place is set for 4:30..geez that’s early. Maybe I don’t want to be so dressed up that early. I don’t want to feel like a street walker, haha. Though I would look like a high priced hooker at least.  So, I go about my day, get lots of rest because it’s gearing up to be a long night. I end up running late (we both did actually) and this should have been my first sign that I should just turn around and go home. Truthfully, my  first sign should have been when I wasn’t feeling well that morning, but with some rest I figured it was all just nerves.

I arrive at Texts apartment and he literally makes me wait outside for a good 10 minutes. Sign #2.  As he opens the door for me and we start to chit chat up the elevator I decide, damn you looked good through text, but in person….not so much. I don’t mean his looks either. Just the personality and his voice. That may sound picky and kinda shallow, but I’m picky about guys tones…haha. Sign #3. We get up to his apartment and the sarcasm just starts flowing. I can take sarcasm, I’m one of the most sarcastic people you will ever meet, but there is a time and a place and a limit. In the beginning of meeting someone I always let things slide because there are a lot of nervous tension. But he talked down about what I was wearing. And let me tell you … I looked good. He said that he had gotten all dressed up and look at me. Also, apparently my heels where too tall for him. Man, was I glad that I didn’t waste my new boots on this date! Needless to say…sign #4.

We finally head out to his car so that we can head to citywalk for dinner and a movie. Sign #5, he didn’t open the car door. I can live without that, but lately there have been a few guys that have spoiled me in that department. I mean my dad still, after 28 years of marriage, opens the car door for my mom and for me for that matter. On the car drive there the sarcasm is flowing quite fluently out of Texts mouth. Did I mention that Text is a civilian (obviously). So he decides to ask if I would like to stop at the closest porn company (that we happen to pass) so that I can feel at home. Ok, really?! This is starting to get out of hand. He was also teasing me about of one of my guy friends in the business and I. Actually, he was jealous and that’s how he was handling it. Really?! Jealous? We just met! When we go to park I was going to offer to pay, but I had only $100’s on me and they didn’t take anything over $20. My date then hands me the extra $10 in change he got back and said here, now you have money. I, as politely as possible, handed (or maybe tossed a bit) the money back and let him know that I have my own, thanks!

We get the movie tickets, which I paid for. I expected a little struggle with that, but I got nothing. I would have paid for it no matter what, but put up a little fight please!! We then hunt for a restaurant, which was suppose to be handled by Text, but now was my choice. First off I am not good at that game…haha. I really didn’t care where we ate. After some sarcasm and debate, I picked a Mexican restaurant that I knew was good, there was no line and it was right in front of us. We ended up at Bubba Gumps. Whatever. That’s fine with me actually cause I had a really good lunch with someone once at that Mexican restaurant and this would have killed that for me. Anyways, at dinner Texts seems to be trying to be as annoying as possible. He turned out to be one of those, let’s see how much I can embarrass her and see what her breaking point is. A little fact about me too, I use to be a waitress..when dating me, tip big and don’t be an annoying ass, haha. Throughout dinner I was thinking of every excuse I could to end the date.  Maybe I can excuse myself to the bathroom and call Miss Communication to come save me!! But I didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s night. This was my mistake and I’m not really one to bail. Just deal with it Pants (that was my pep talk to myself, haha)! Ok, dinner over and movie time. Thank god, quite time.

Sign #126 He was on his phone the whole movie. Playing a game! Are you for real?! Apparently, Text has ADD. Sign #127 ADD. Sign#128 I get a fever in the middle of the movie!!!! Are you kidding?! You must be kidding!! He’s going to think that I want out of the date and I’m making up an excuse to leave, but thank god it’s an excuse!!! I literally start going into convulsions in my chair for the last hour of the movie. I was ABSOLUTELY miserable. Text did not even offer his jacket during this. He didn’t even notice me practically having a seizure next to him. The movie ends and we head out. I break the news of me getting sick and the speculation starts to fly. He finally gives up his coat and we head to get some medicine. Apparently I am a prisoner and am not able to go home yet. We get back to his place and I drug up.

The night goes on and all I want to do is go home. Midnight hits and he goes in for the kill. What the hell, right?! After the night I’ve had, the least I can do is give this guy the flu..haha. The night goes on and he makes me feel like I have no soul because of the business I work in and it sucks because of the 104 fever I am running I am not able to slap him with my wit and my backhand and storm out. To make an even longer story short. I end up kicking this guy out of his bed for the night as I puke in his bathroom and sweat all over his sheets. He was nice enough to take care of me and a nice side of him came out, but too little too late buddy.

When I wake up in the morning feeling like I had been hit by a dumptruck, I gather my things and head for the door. We do the nice good bye thing (nice in who’s world I’m not sure) and I finally get what I wanted all along.. My home and a hungover Miss Communication to tell it all too! And what did we learn this New Years Eve kids?! Some people just look better in text!


3 Responses to “Adventures in Internet Dating: You Sure Look Good in Text”

  1. Catherinette Says:

    Good lord! That sounds like a really awful date. I think you can put this date towards your community service for the year.

  2. theorheticalthoughtsunraveled Says:

    Ouch. That’s horrible. It’s pretty parallel to what I’ve been through in the Internet dating world. But I think this takes the cake. You’re a saint to go to even dinner. I would have said “aww fuck it” after the steep sarcasm at the apartment, and 10 minutes of waiting.

  3. jennytruant Says:

    *hugs you incredibly tight* Wow. Isn’t it amazing how they can have a sparkling personality, as long as the text message/phone barrier is there. I’m glad you survived and wish you the best luck on your next round!

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