… The Act of Being Whoremotional

I am a Friend of Fresh and Easy February 4, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Miss Communication @ 8:32 am
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I shop at a super market called Fresh and Easy. It’s a trader joe’s, whole foods hybrid that caters to couples and singles. It’s like the Ikea of grocery stores. Everything is lined up perfectly in perfectly portioned packages it’s a dream store for someone OCD-ish like me. It’s probably Tyler Durden’s worst nightmare. When I went shopping there this afternoon there was 1 clerk and 3 other patrons. It was 3:30ish on super bowl Sunday … so don’t blame the economy for that one.

If that clerk had an opportunity to write me a letter, this is what I imagine it would say:

Dear Patron,

We at Fresh and Easy appreciate your patronage, but have a few questions about your recent visit. Were you looking for a certain flower in particular to appear in our Bouquets? You see, we have exactly 3 styles of bouquets and you managed to rifle through all 8 bunches for a good ten minutes. Then you put the first one you picked up in your shopping cart. This sent us mixed singles on our selection.

After you picked your bouquet out you headed for the produce aisle. Once in the produce isle I am fairly certain you touched everything within reach. You flipped them over , put them back, picked up new ones, etc. While this is normal when shopping for produce you seemed to do this with everything … not just items you intended to buy. This seems to be an exhausting practice and also appeared to have dehydrated you because you then quickly headed for the free samples cart. We were featuring a sample of our fresh squeezed Lemonade. We would like to remind you that a free sample means 1 free sample. Not 4 free samples … to then NOT purchase the product we are featuring.

After your obviously much needed hydration, you headed to the pre-packaged foods, meats & deli section. I am not trying to offend .. but do you have some sort of strange twitch that makes you read the label on absolutely everything we carry? I am fairly certain you could recite all of our nutritional information at this point. I would also like to point out the refrigeration section is no place to dance. It is simply an aisle for shopping. Even if the store is playing upbeat music.

We would also like to address your need to pull the furthest item on the shelf. Why not grab the item at the front of the shelf versus the exact same item from the back of the shelf? We do have stockers who will replace the item … you are not “messing up the display”.

At Fresh and Easy we encourage our shoppers to check out our latest offerings. On the flip side we do not think other patrons would like to purchase a box of brownies after you have put them in your cart 4 times to only return them to the shelf 3 separate times. Please handle our food with care. Speaking of care we would also like to remind you that “cart surfing” through the stores is not a condoned practice. You could slam into someone at a fast speed and injure them. You did this in the last 3 aisles of the store.

While we do have a decent size selection of ice cream we could not understand you just standing in front of that section for as long as you did … to NOT touch anything. We are not trying to put a time limit on your shopping but 2 other patrons seemed to have a difficult time getting your attention so they could move past the Ice Cream section. You then quickly headed to the trail mix and violently threw a bag of trail mix in your cart. We think we have an excellent price on trail mix and could not understand your frustration.

We would however like to apologize to you. You seem to have a very difficult time with our self check out system. Maybe we have not made it clear enough. Scan, place in bag. It’s really that simple.

We look forward to seeing you next week! Be sure to watch out for that big crack in our parking lot when “cart surfing” you nearing flipped over the length of that car.

Thank you,
Valued Fresh and Easy Clerk


2 Responses to “I am a Friend of Fresh and Easy”

  1. dater x Says:

    I love the grocery store. When I was younger, I used to practice my tap routines in the isles and embarrass my mom. I don’t tap as much, but I still dance. ha ha

  2. I LOVE fresh and easy! The prices are SO MUCH BETTER than anywhere else!
    I’m totally neurotic when picking produce too, seriously, I pick up everything to examine it then put it back and almost always end up with the 1st one I picked up.

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