… The Act of Being Whoremotional

Adventures in Internet Dating: The Mass Emailer February 7, 2009

Filed under: Adventures In Internet Dating — Captain Pants @ 6:52 am
Tags: , , ,

So, one thing I have learned from this whole Internet Dating thing is there are some really desperate people! There are guys who write up this huge email and send it out to probably every girl that they can find on the site. Because I highly doubt that they really have that much interest in me by reading that I like sushi, the color pink and looking at my pics! Here is a prime example: (names have been changed to save the embarassment of the desperate)

Hi darling!
My name is Mass Emailer.
I hope everything is fine with you and that this message finds you well and sound.
First of let me please start by say to you through this little poem that ” The clouds covers the sky’s before the rain, but my heart is covered with thoughts of wanting to be with you”
Darling, as you know that love is gentle, love is beautiful, love is pure, love is nurturing, love is fulfilling, love is emotionally up lifting and love outperforms everything else in life and in the universe”.
We can’t live without it.
I subscribed to internet dating  in order of finding true love, the love of my life and I hope it’s you.
I like your photos and your profile.
You seem like the kind of lady that I would love to get to know, and establish solid intimate bonds and a perfect union with.
I mean the kind bonds that will eventually unite us together and will lead us to a beautiful love and friendship that will be eternal.
Please feel free to read my profile and browse my photos.
If you would like, I would love that we start getting to know each other and work towards achieving the perfect union between us and the ties that bind.
I have always dreamed in finding a soul mate in life and be married one day, like so many other people in my family who are happily married and they have been married for many years now.
I would truly love my soul mate fully, faithfully and completely.
Everything I do, I will be doing them for her and for both of us together.
I will make sure that her joy and our joy together never ceases.
I know that I will be equally loved by her, faithfully and completely.
Then, together we can then achieve a complete happiness in life through true loving.
I hope that I am truly writing to her right now.
I hope you and I, can start getting to know each other, so that very soon, we will start spending an intimate quality time together.
Please tell me, if I may ask, what is your name ?
and please tell me, what do you want out of life?
I mean, what are your goals and your life objectives?
I grew up in Europe and I have traveled so many places around the world and I would love to travel some more in the near future, but this time it will be with someone very special by my side, so please expect the world with me and the diversity of cultures that comes with it.
Do you like cultural diversity?
I also love to give flowers to my woman as a true loving gentleman, so I am wondering what are your favorite flowers?
Roses, Lilly’s or any other kind out there?
As I am learning little bit more about you, I would like to kindly ask you, what are your favorite colors?
I myself have few colors that I really love and mine are:
Orange, blue turquoise, black, purple, pink, wine red and lime green.
It’s all upon you darling, I really like you, I would love to hear back from you and I hope it will be soon.
On our next communication, I will provide you with a phone number where you can always directly reach me.
I will also provide you with my email address, so we can start laying down the solid foundation of our future union and companionship together.
Until then please stay well.
I just can’t wait to be with you.
Please take care and talk to to you soon!
Mass Emailer.

And there you have it. The true cries of desperation. I should also note that the email was titled “Can I please dance with you forever.” Now, it’s wonderful to think that someone actually took the time to write that lovely poem for me and wants to get to know me so bad, but maybe I should write in my profile that I moved away from LaLa Land a long time ago. Sorry Mass Emailer. We are just not meant to be.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s