… The Act of Being Whoremotional

I’m a walking contradiction March 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Miss Communication @ 6:47 pm

I can’t remember how it was brought to my attention .. but I recently was informed (and dually noted by yours truly) that I am a walking contradiction. My actions, beliefs and thoughts are straight out of United States of Tara. So here are some of the things that are probably the most contradicting about me, I’m warning you these are WAY too honest:

1. I once traded in my hybrid car for another hybrid car because I didn’t want to be bothered with getting my oil changed and a cracked side mirror fixed – In a strange act of homeless person craziness … a homeless man got really mad at the side mirror on my old car and hit it with an umbrella .. ala Britney. About a month later I realized I needed an oil change. About 2 months after that I realized I hadn’t fixed my mirror or changed my oil, so I drove to the dealership and traded in my car for a new one. It only had around 20k miles on it. You see I LIKE to consider myself an environmentalist with my fancy little hybrid, recycling center and green products. I can’t think of something more wasteful and un-environmental then trading in a car because your too lazy to get a freaking oil change! I try and rationalize it to myself by saying that I really traded it in because the new model had the ipod jack and a reverse camera .. but that’s a lie.

2. I try to be super healthy and eat all organic veggies, but I still smoke cigarettes– I am the girl who is dropping her whole pay check at Whole Paycheck (What I call Whole Foods) and Follow Your heart. I use Alba products for my hair and Origins Organics for my face … But I smoke like a chimney! I actually want to quit and have had the prescription for the stop smoking pills staring at me from my bathroom counter for the last 6 months, but I fear the weight gain. They average person who quits smoking gains 20 pounds and I’ve seen it happen to friends and family. Basically I’m saying my vanity outweighs my health … :::sigh::: But I truly think this is the year I will actually try and quit.

3. (OK Pants is making me write this one …) I am a very strong and opinionated business woman, but if I like a guy … suddenly my mouth doesn’t work and I revert to grade school – Ask me anything and I will give you a long winded opinion and all my thoughts on the topic. Put me in a meeting and everyone will have walked out having heard me and being very clear on my thoughts on the topic. Put me in a room with a boy I like and I clam up, most guys never even know I was interested. I have an amazing ability of pushing people in any other direction .. that isn’t me. It makes Pants laugh.

4. I use the word Whore about 30 times a day but if I ever heard someone actually in a serious manner call a woman a whore or the C word they would get an ear full from me! – I seriously use the word whore like it’s been recalled and I need to get rid of all the overstock. But I am very touchy about people speaking down to women. In fact this contradiction runs so deep that at home I will bitch and complain and use all kinds of colorful language for a lot of the woman I encounter in my profession but if anyone ever said something to me about them … I would back them till the cows come home. Not just because without them I wouldn’t have a job, but because I am very protective of peoples rights to do whatever they want to .. right, wrong, mistake, best choice ever … etc.

I am sure I have a million more of these … but it’s Wine/Jacuzzi time!!

What is your biggest contradiction?


4 Responses to “I’m a walking contradiction”

  1. Ditto on the organic, being healthy, and I even work out but STILL smoke cigarettes..well and herb! FAIL!

    As for me with boys, I usually can’t shut the fuck up (surprised I’m sure) I just yap yap and run my mouth uncomfortably, sometimes I’m really funny and sometimes I’m just f-ing annoying!

  2. Simply brilliant! I’ll have to add you to my reader!

  3. jennytruant Says:

    ha ha ha, overstock. I don’t know if the word Whore gets RAs

  4. Captain Pants Says:

    Well, I asked for your help om this one, but you took too long! LOL. So here I go: I LOVE shoes and have spent the money for some cute one’s and will spend lots more in my life time, but on a regular basis what do I wear…..$2 flip flops.

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